L.I.F.E

Life is so unpredictable. I'm to the point where predicting it is useless. Whatever's going to happen is going to happen. We have good days and we have bad.

Since the beginning of 2010, my life as been completely changed. Spiritually, and mentally. With Sara's death at Christmas, and Mom and Dad's seperation after Sara, has really given me a spiritual knock out. My faith has been tested, destroyed, knocked down, and all around hurt. I have told myself that was at a conclusion of giving up. That my life had been so messed up and ripped apart that I didn't think God even cared. I got to the point at questioning Him about why this was happening to me and my family. Sara was so young, I'm so young. Why do I have to face these trials?

Depression, anger, and mixed emotions have flooded my body throughout the year. I have heard my Mom cry and pray aloud to God in the middle of the night about Dad. I've heard my Dad cry and say he's not loved, and hear him tell me that he's a sinner. I have seen my 23 year old cousin in her death bed brain dead which haunts me till this day. I have heard my Grandma in pain as she speaks in tongues for her children's spirituality. I have seen and noticed the depression and saddness in my little sister and big brother's face.

And I have talked to the God who has seen these things too...

With everything that I have faced this past year, I have come to the realization that God HAS made me stronger. God HAS given me peace. God HAS brought me through. So many nights I've cried and cried myself to sleep because I didn't feel that God heard me, or would ever care to help. But, as I read, pray, and fast more, I realize that He has been here the whole time. Sure, I haven't noticed, but that's because I was too busy focusing on the pessimistic trials in my life rather than the optimistic God that was trying to get me to focus on Him. I have also realized that when something bad happens, it always follows with atleast a tiny ray of sunshine. Like the writers say, "It always gets worse before it gets better." Sara died, my Dad quit church, various people in my family are getting divorced, and Satan has just all around played with my family's faith. But, look at this. With those bad trials, comes better ones to be a bandaid on those that hurt me. Like, Jimmy became pastor, I became spiritually closer to God, and Mom is smiling again. Sure those trials aren't going away. Sure they will scar. But, each and every day, God places one more bandaid on your pain. By the time he covers up all your pain you face, there will be no more room for Satan to play around anymore and you will be able to heal from all the hurt.


If Satan were on Facebook, I would want him to read this. Why? Because he has chosen to mess with the wrong girl, and the wrong family. He needs to know that I will never blame God for my problems. I will never question God again. And, I will never feel inferior to anything. I am blessed with the things I face, for they make me who I am, and Satan is about to get a mouth full of fist, because I am sick and tired of his tricks, his lies, and his games. It's time that I as a child of God gives him a spiritual smackdown. This is my family, and I will save them from any situation they face. I am a child of God. and you know what God says about us? WE WIN.